The Feeling is the Clue: How to Decode Your Inner Sage's Signals
New Jersey, 1973. I'm nine years old, lying on my back on the floor of our apartment, just outside of New York City. My older brother's record collection is spread around me like a treasure map.
The Who's Quadrophenia has just been released, and the music fills the heavy headphones surrounding my ears, the coiled cord spiraling to the phonograph like a lifeline. I’m completely captivated by the operatic unfolding of Jimmy Cooper’s life as he searches for identity and escape all the way to the Brighton beaches of the U.K. It’s unlike anything I've heard before – raw, urgent and alive, infused with something I can't quite name yet.
What was it about an amphetamine-fueled teenage boy from West London that connected so deeply with a nine-year-old girl from Jersey? I loved his searching and the journey from his downward spiral to the ultimate redemption of leaving his old life in search of something new, although it was unclear what he was walking toward.
It wasn’t neat and clean, like the 30 minute television reruns that served as culture. It was a real glimpse into the adventure of someone else’s life beyond my city streets.
Not long after, I discovered my brother's reel-to-reel tape recorder. I spent hours with it – recording music, narrating stories and creating little productions that existed only for the joy of making them. There was no audience. No grade. No practical purpose. Just the pure pleasure of capturing sound and story.
Looking back, I can see it clearly now: my inner sage was speaking to me at nine years old. I just didn't have the language to understand what she was saying. It would take me decades to learn how to listen. And even more time to take what I was sensing and take action.
The Signals We're Born With
Before the world tells us who to be, there’s a part of us who already knows. Children are naturally drawn to what feeds their soul. They don't yet have the filters of practicality, proficiency or other people's expectations. They simply follow what lights them up – and in doing so, they reveal something essential about who they are.
I came to learn that music and storytelling weren't random interests. They were signals. Breadcrumbs left by my future self, pointing toward a life I couldn't yet imagine.
But here's what happens to most of us: the signals get buried.
Family expectations layer over them. Societal norms press them down. The practical realities of college debt and career ladders push them further underground. We learn, slowly and often without realizing it, to dismiss our deepest desires as impractical, indulgent or simply unrealistic.
The signals don't disappear, though. They burrow underground. And they hibernate.
When the Signals Get Louder
My signals waited patiently through my Wall Street years and my corporate career. But they never stopped whispering. For a while, I fed them by playing guitar in a band and used my vacation time to crisscross the country in my van. Back then, I dreamed of making a living in the music industry.
It took me a long time to understand that those dreams were less about the guitar and the van. I wanted what the instrument and travel represented to me. Self-expression. Creativity. Freedom. The ability to drop the corporate persona and live in accordance with my own life rhythm.
The guitar was never the point. The feelings were.
This is how our inner sage communicates. Not with a clear roadmap or a long-term plan, but with signals – longings, desires, recurring dreams – things that point not to a specific destination, but to a feeling. A way of being. A quality of life.
And the signals get louder over time.
What begins as a subtle childhood interest becomes a persistent adult longing, which can lead to a dream and ultimately, to a deep knowing. And sometimes, if we've ignored the signals long enough, life intervenes with something more dramatic, such as a forced career change, an illness, or a milestone birthday that reframes everything.
These catalytic moments are redirections. The soul's way of saying: It's time. You can't ignore this anymore. And the louder the signal, the longer it's been waiting to be heard do.
Here’s the key – your buried longing is not literal. It's emotional. It's not telling you what to. It's telling you how you want to feel.
Decoding the Signal: The Feeling is the Clue
So how do you translate a buried longing into its emotional truth? Here's a simple way to begin:
Step 1: Create an Inventory of Signals. Start by getting honest about what you've always been drawn to, dreamed about or secretly wished you could do. Cast a wide net. Consider:
What did you love to do as a child?
What have you always dreamed of doing?
What do you envy about other people’s lifestyles?
What activities make you lose track of time?
What patterns keep showing up?
Step 2: Look Beneath the Literal. For each longing, ask: "If I were doing this, how would I feel?" Not what would you achieve. Not what would others think. But how would you feel—in your body, your spirit, your daily life?
When I asked this question about my music dreams, the answer was immediate: Expressive. Creative. Free. Like myself, fully and without apology. That was the signal. Not the guitar or the van, but the feelings they generated.
Step 3: Find Where That Feeling Already Lives. Here's where it gets interesting. Once you've identified the feeling your longing is pointing toward, look for where that feeling already exists in your life – even in small doses.
I found self-expression, creativity and freedom in my writing practice and the time spent in nature. My commute to and from work also became a time I looked forward to listen to music.
Where could you invite more of the feelings you desire into your day? What small, intentional step would infuse your life with those feelings – not someday, but today?
Step 4: Trust the Blueprint. This is perhaps the most important step, and the hardest: trust that the blueprint is already inside you.
In the natural world, a caterpillar carries what scientists call imaginal discs – dormant cell clusters that contain the complete blueprint for the butterfly it will become. The butterfly isn't created from scratch. It was always there, waiting for the right conditions to emerge.
You’re no different. All those seemingly disconnected interests aren’t random. They’re your imaginal discs. The blueprint of who you’re becoming, waiting for the right conditions to emerge. You don't have to understand how it all fits together yet. You just have to trust that it does.
Welcoming All Parts of Yourself
Here's what I know now, looking back at that nine-year-old girl on the apartment floor, surrounded by records.
Nothing was wasted. The city upbringing, the decades of corporate life, the exploration and creative pursuits along the way – they all led me to the life I live today. The coach, hiking leader and writer were all formed by integrating all of these experiences.
The longings weren't distractions. They were directions. Every signal, every breadcrumb, every seemingly impractical dream was pointing toward the same feeling: self-expression, creativity and freedom, and a life lived authentically on my own terms.
Your warrior years aren’t a detour – they’re preparation. Your longings aren’t missed opportunities – they’re messages. And the blueprint? It’s always there, inside you, waiting for you to be ready to live it.
Welcoming all parts of yourself means honoring both the warrior who built the career and the sage who's been whispering all along. It means looking back at your own inventory of signals and recognizing them not as evidence of what you missed, but as proof of who you've always been.
You weren't lost. You were gathering everything you needed to become who you were always meant to be.
Your Invitation
Find a quiet moment this week – maybe on a walk, maybe with your journal, maybe in the early morning before the world wakes up – and sit with these questions:
What have I always loved to do?
What have I always dreamed of experiencing?
If I were living that dream, how would I feel?
Where in my life do I already feel that way, even a little?
How can I infuse more of that feeling into my days?
These are your breadcrumbs. Your inner sage has been leaving them for you all along, pointing you toward home.
Journal Reflections: What childhood love or adult longing have you dismissed as impractical or unrealistic? What feeling was it pointing toward? Where in your current life do you already experience the feeling your longing is pointing toward—even in small doses?
P.S. Continue the Journey: Walking with the Sage is out now. You can find the story of that transformation and download the free Sage Discovery Kit at AthenaWellness.com/sagebook.
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