Permission to Dream Big
In the last blog, we explored How to Create Space in Your Life. Today, we’ll look at how to give yourself permission to fully experience the space you cleared and use it as a launching pad to dream big.
Creating space usually happens in times of life transition as we stand on the threshold of feeling a new self emerge, while simultaneously letting go of what supported the old self. It's like standing in a doorway between two rooms where a new life awaits in the one that you're just about to enter. The threshold is an exciting place where you experience identity transformation, but it's also a place of ‘not knowing,’ which can cause distress and anxiety.
But you have the choice to invite ease into this process as you let go of what no longer serves: old habits, expectations, relationships, situations, assumptions, the way we wish things were, to name a few. You'll feel a range of emotions, including fear and grief, along with glimpses of elation that can beckon you forward into unknown territory as you make your own path one step at a time.
If you're having difficulty, especially around letting go, there may be some grief work to do. Letting go is grieving. Something was lost and it's more than a job or a career or a relationship. When we make a transition like this, we may also feel like we lost a sense of self or purpose or identity. We may feel a loss of daily structure and social connection.
If the transition was unplanned, we may feel a loss of control, trust, security or self-confidence. We may feel like we have no motivation or clarity on how to move forward. And depending on when this is happening in life, we may also be faced with the feeling that we've lost our youth or time itself.
Know that you may go through a number of grief stages – denial, bargaining, anger, sadness. But eventually, you'll get to a place of acceptance, which is the end of the grieving process and the beginning of the healing process, of getting stronger. As you move through your waves of grief, remember, you can take it moment by moment. When things get overwhelming, remind yourself that you're okay in this moment. And repeat that mantra as often as necessary.
As you practice being okay with what's unfolding as you're experiencing that shapeless, formless, embryonic state of what's next – how do you begin dreaming again? One of my favorite quotes is from poet Antonio Machado, who wrote, "Traveler, there is no path. The path is made by walking. By walking, you make a path."
I share this quote once again because many times we're waiting to see a fully formed path emerge before we begin taking any action. And it's been my experience that it actually works the other way around. First you need to begin taking steps forward – and then the path is revealed a little at a time. It can feel counterintuitive.
How do you begin to dream bigger? It can be helpful to revisit the past by spending some quiet time reflecting on your journey. You can do this by thumbing through old journals or pictures. Think of it as research (or me-search). Look for the decision points and actions you’ve taken along the way. As you connect the dots of major life events, you’ll see how you’ve naturally set intentions throughout your life and then taken steps to create your own path in that general direction.
As we mature, we can fall into a dreamless groove, thinking we’re too old or have too many responsibilities to focus on taking steps toward the life of our dreams. Here are seven ideas to be more intentional and get some dream momentum going:
Define what a big dream is for you. A big dream feels like it’s beyond the possibilities of the life you have today. As an example, in my mid-50s I decided I wanted to run an ultra-marathon. The most I had ever run to that point was 17 miles – and that was years before. So for me, it was a big dream.
Ensure your life dream is really yours. Once you get a sense for what your big dream is, ask yourself – is it really yours? Is it what you want to do or is it to appease the expectations of others? How much does achieving this matter to you? In my ultra example, I had just become a wellness coach and I wanted to experience what it was like to design and execute a plan to physically challenge myself at midlife in a way I never had in my life.
Do the inner work. Once you have a compelling dream that’s really yours, spend some time reflecting on how you feel about attaining a dream like that. Do you feel you deserve it? Is it meaningful or have a deeper purpose? Are you growing in some way? This is a great opportunity to go deep. My ultra wasn’t just a physical challenge, it was a mental, emotional and spiritual one as well. I wanted to know what I had in me when I trained on the trails mile after mile, how I would handle 6 hours of running on race day, and who I was when I crossed that 50k finish line.
Break down the dream into actionable segments. One of the reasons many people don’t tackle their big dreams is it feels overwhelming. Once your dream is defined and you’re emotionally connected to it, it’s time to create an action plan that’s achievable. Author Napoleon Hill has been quoted as saying, “A goal is a dream with a deadline.” Creating a time-bound plan with key milestones will also give you clarity on your next step as well as a way to track progress. I did my research and created a detailed training plan for myself that I scheduled and tracked weekly along with a nutrition plan that was mostly plant-based whole food to help with recovery.
Make the journey enjoyable. If you’re not having a good experience, it will be difficult to remain motivated. With any pathmaking, there will be ups and downs. What about this process can you love each day regardless of outcome? How can you keep yourself upbeat and positive? Music and podcasts were key for me. Where have you had success like this before? Are there others who have achieved similar outcomes? What can you learn from them?
Learn to recognize how resistance shows up for you. Rest assured that at some point along the journey, resistance will make itself know. And it can be devious. It may show up as fatigue, busyness, through injury, via the inner critic talk track or in a way that’s unique to your situation. Whenever obstacles seem to block your way, find the point of resistance along with a way to work through it. My months long training schedule was littered with work responsibilities, social commitments, aches, strains, the weather. It was a matter a taking them one at a time and either working through them or adjusting as needed.
Think beyond your big dream. I learned a cool technique when I was training, which was to envision life once I accomplished my dream. I would think about what it would feel like waking up the next morning and seeing the medal I received the day before as I sipped my coffee in bed. And I would think about what I might do with this new level of fitness I had. What will your life feel like once you accomplish your big dream? What will you be able to do as a result of reaching this new pinnacle? Life will reset and your next dream will launch from there.
The life you live is unique to you. Part of the joy of pushing your edge are the new people you meet along the way. Whether through a related interest group with like-minded people, a coach or mentor, or through support tools like books and podcasts, you’ll have the opportunity to expand your circle with compatible friends who will encourage and help you realize your dream. In time, you can be that mentor for another, bringing the process full circle.
I’ll leave you with the last verse from a poem by John O’Donohue titled For a New Beginning:
“Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.”
Journal Reflections: Do you have a big life dream you’re excited about? If so, how are you moving closer to realizing it? If not, how can you use the seven ideas to create one?