Transcending Imaginary Cages

Most of my work these days is focused on helping clients and students navigate through times of transition while staying well in mind, body and spirit.  Together we work through the behavioral grooves that have kept their lives on track but may hold them back as they move into a new phase of life.

These self-constructed cages can include things like daily routines, expectations of the self and others, thoughts of the past or future, and many shapes and forms of fear.  But there are ways to work with this so you can transcend these unconscious grooves and live with more aliveness and vitality.

A story that beautifully illustrates this was shared by meditation teacher Tara Brach at one of her workshops I attended about ten years ago.  It's about a white tiger named Mohini who lived in the Washington D.C. National Zoo.

For years, the tiger lived in a typical 12 by 12-foot enclosure with iron bars and a cement floor.  She spent her days pacing that cage.  When her handlers finally gave her more space, they created an enclosure that spanned several acres and included vegetation, water and hills to wander.

But when the tiger was released into this expanse, she didn't spend her days roaming throughout the new space.  Instead, she found a corner of the compound where she lived out her life pacing in a 12 by 12-foot area until the grass was worn.

My clients and students find this story to be very impactful and it even brings a sense of sadness for the times when they felt trapped in imaginary cages that they unconsciously built comprised of old patterns, beliefs or fears. 

I can relate.  It reminds me a lot of my corporate life when I had multiple priorities that I juggled for years, both personal and professional responsibilities that just expanded over time.  My way of making sure not to miss a deadline or to let someone down was to create structure and elaborate to-do lists.  And I relentlessly stuck to that schedule ticking off the items and pushing through to the next one, no matter what.

Just saying that today makes me feel exhausted, but that's the way I operated for decades.  And just like Mohini the tiger, when I left my corporate life, I did not change my mode of operation. 

It served a purpose.  For the first six months of post-corporate life, I had a book that needed to get published and the structure worked well.  But once the book was out, I began questioning why I was still operating with such military precision.  And the answer was: “Because I had always done things that way.”  But I no longer needed to, and that sent me on a quest to course correct and create a new way of being productive.

The implication was broad.  I learned how to eat differently because I no longer needed to have lunch at a scheduled time or prepare food at the beginning of the week so I had grab-and-go options.  I no longer needed the copious amounts of caffeine that once fueled me through my days.  Exercise no longer needed to be done at 5:30 am.  Networking could be done virtually saving travel time.  Errands and chores could be interspersed throughout the week, rather than at night or on weekends.  In fact, I could work anytime I wanted – a blessing, and sometimes if I'm not mindful, a curse.

Today I operate very differently – more in line with my natural rhythms.  I have a firm vision of what I want to achieve, but flexible plans on how to get there.  I craft my days so my energy aligns with the activity that needs to get done.  For me, that means mornings are focused on working out and writing.  Afternoons during the week are for client meetings and walking outdoors.  Late afternoon to early evening is admin time and getting myself set-up for the next day so it flows effortlessly.

I find this way of planning allows my life to unfold more organically and I show up each morning energized and ready to greet the day.  And that's what I wish for you, an infusion of positive energy that uplifts you and moves you throughout your days.

So how do we begin to break free of mental and emotional boundaries that can turn into cages?  By accepting where you are in this moment and mindfully making different choices that align with the new self that's transforming and emerging, the one that wants to explore beyond established boundaries.

I recently watched a rare interview with Pema Chodron, who is a Buddhist nun, a spiritual teacher and a prolific author.  She was speaking about her book, Welcoming the Unwelcome, Wholehearted Living in a Brokenhearted World, which was published in 2019. 

Since then, I’ve been reading a chapter each morning and one of them is titled Beyond the Comfort Zone.  It’s about the ways we take refuge when we’re feeling disconnected as a way of soothing ourselves.  She notes how important it is to recognize when we’re engaging in adult versions of thumb-sucking – be it food or binge watching entertainment or any other type of distraction.

All of these soothing activities can keep us firmly in our comfort zone, our imaginary 12x12 cage of safety.  Chodron’s suggestion is to find ways to step out of comfort and into the learning zone where you’re challenged, yet not putting yourself in excessive risk.  This middle ground of growth is important because if you step beyond it, you’ll be too distressed to learn anything.

I’ll give you an example.  I have a picture of climber Alex Honnold free soloing El Capitan in Yosemite National Park.  He climbed the granite face of El Cap, which is equal to 2.5 times the height of the Empire State building, alone without any ropes or protective equipment.  I keep that picture in rotation in my digital picture frame to remind me that anything is possible.

Getting back to this idea of middle ground and excessive risk.  For me, a very inexperienced climber, doing anything that doesn’t involve a harness, rope and an experienced instructor would be an excessive risk.  For Alex, who studied and climbed El Cap repeatedly with ropes and other pro climbers, it wasn’t an excessive risk for him. He was prepared and dialed in on the morning of his historic climb.

Have you been seeking refuge in the status quo?  A willingness to notice where this is the case for you and a commitment to stepping beyond your current boundary is all you need to get started.

In the words of Alex Honnold, “My comfort zone is like a little bubble around me, and I've pushed it in different directions and made it bigger and bigger until these objectives that seemed totally crazy eventually fall within the realm of the possible.”

Journal Reflections:  Where have you been pacing in a 12’x12’ imaginary cage?  How might you challenge yourself by stepping out of your comfort zone and into your learning zone?  What might fall into the realm of the possible as a result?