How to Create Space in Your Life
Last month, I cleared boxes of outdated financial files. They had accumulated over the years in my basement, neatly boxed and labeled. I shredded them over a number of days, bagged up the output, and took a carload to the recycling center. When I got home, I was amazed at how light I felt. Why? Because I created space for the new by clearing out the old.
It took me a while but I finally realized what I was really sorting through when I cleared those boxes: old habits, my history and outdated dreams. It was all a reminder that the past was gone and I was mindfully creating space to move forward toward something new.
It also felt good to feel the positive impact of following my own advice. Whenever I begin working with a new client or a group of students, we spend some time understanding what an optimal outcome of our time together would look and feel like. And then we set out to design an environment to support the work that we'll be doing together. This is done by creating space in their lives to make room for the transition and, hopefully, the transformation that they're about to experience.
So what does it mean to create space in your life?
When we're on the threshold of change, it's a natural reaction to try to make things happen and we tend to add things to our lives in preparation. Let's take a simple example of getting back into a fitness routine after a long layoff.
One way of preparing is to research gym memberships or new activities, buy a smartwatch, get some new workout clothes and any other gear for the sport of your choosing. Another way is to schedule a half hour each day to put on your sneakers and walk out the door.
The first example adds things that can feel like supportive actions, but have little to do with our intention. The second clears the space so we can get right to the activity that will make the difference. Walking may not be the ultimate fitness outcome for you, but by moving every day, as Atomic Habits author James Clear says, you'll become the type of person who is focused on fitness and then you can evolve from there.
Creating space is even more important when we're experiencing a life transition. It gives us room to pause and notice where we're living in accordance with external or outdated expectations and where we can begin aligning with what's true for us today. We make this connection by listening to ourselves, which takes quiet and space. This inner path has been called the road less traveled and it is not the path of least resistance.
The whole purpose of creating space and reclaiming your time is so you can connect with your still point, a place of spacious calm where you can detach from your thoughts and emotions in a peaceful space of surrender and release. These breaks can act as a place to get quiet and connect with how you're feeling, like a pause from the noise and intensity of modern life.
In quiet moments, you can more easily identify the causes of tension and stress. And mindful pauses allow you to listen for what's needed to take good care of yourself. In other words, you create space to mindfully connect with how to make the best choices for yourself in the present moment.
As you begin to make space in your life, you'll find that you fiercely guard that precious time. And you'll get better at saying no to the things that infringe on that quiet time. There's an art to discernment, to saying no.
The choices available to us are endless, which is why discernment is so important. It's a mind shift. It moves you to a place where you can begin to say no to what you don't want so you can spend more time doing what's fulfilling for you.
Developing this mindset takes practice. It begins with saying no to the things that you know you don't want to do. We’re taught at an early age to be polite, helpful and supportive. So saying no might not come easily or naturally to you. But as you begin to build this discernment muscle, you'll come to learn that it can be joyful to say no and that you can feel content in the wake of that intentional decision.
While it's true that sources of distraction are endless, it's also true that it's up to us to remove the distractions. Depending on your life and responsibilities, it may not be easy to do this for long periods of time. But it is possible to carve out pockets of quiet in your day.
What begins to fill the space that's created when we say no is a deeper level of living. When we're not scattered, we can experience the quality of our lives through deeper connections with ourselves and others, leading to an increase in overall happiness. We become aware of our surroundings, the changing seasons, and have more appreciation for the smallest things in life, which, of course, are actually the biggest.
Writer Charles Bukowski is quoted as saying, “The less I needed, the better I felt.” So here are three areas where you can begin to make more space for yourself:
Physical: Start with the easy stuff – toss, recycle or donate mail, catalogs, anything that has expired, toiletries, clothes, forgotten things in storage areas.
Mental: Reduce the digital noise – unsubscribe from extraneous emails, turn off phone notifications, and address any habit that keeps you in a never-ending information flow.
Boundaries: Set boundaries – on your time, commitments, your calendar, and how quickly you will respond to a call, text or email.
Whenever I go through this process, I keep two questions in mind. One, does it serve me today? And two, will it be useful on the journey ahead? This helps me say no to the things that move me away from who I'm becoming and yes to the things that support where I'm headed.
It's been my experience that as a result of mindfully creating space, I'm able to integrate my life experience, increase my focus, and improve my productivity. I feel like I have more time and energy and I can access creative flow. There's more room in my life for being present with those I love. And I believe that creating space is an act of loving yourself and others.
I’ll end with a quote from Danielle Laporte. Danielle has said, “Make space in your life for the inevitable arrival of what you want.”
Journal Reflections: What have you accumulated that you’d like to address ? How can you begin to let it go? What process can you put in place to address the situation long-term?