Reimagining Midlife Wellness, Part III – Self-Compassion
This is the third installment of a multi-part series on Reimagining Midlife Wellness, focusing on the importance of strengthening our vitality as we get older, especially in times of transition. These articles will provide a framework to help you define what matters most to you at this stage of your life and ways to continue to take positive action to be well.
In Part III of the series, we’ll be exploring the first Athena Principle, which is self-compassion, defined as the care for one’s own well-being in the form of self-acceptance and nurturing support. It’s the ability to accept our imperfections and be kind and understanding toward ourselves, which is a useful approach as we age.
The benefits of self-compassion are broad. Research has shown it can improve self-worth, motivation, body image and overall happiness. People who have self-compassion practices develop the ability to administer kindness to themselves as soon as they recognize they are hurting, have more compassion toward others, and increase their resilience in challenging times.
When we enter midlife, self-compassion becomes critically important. We face a new slate of challenges, such as career changes, empty nest, shifts in relationships, changes to our levels of wellness, and confronting our own mortality. This can result in increased levels of self-doubt, anxiety and even depression.
But we can care for ourselves by creating a strong support system that includes wellness practices, including ways to mindfully recognize when we’re self-critical and judgmental and use those experiences as a way to practice self-compassion.
As a wellness tool, self-compassion can help us forgive ourselves for our human shortcomings and feel less alone as we recognize these feelings are shared by others. And over time we’ll notice increased positivity and optimism, better relationships with ourselves and others, and healthier decisions that lead to a more fulfilling life.
Here are three ideas on how to practice self-compassion that you can customize to fit your current situation:
Mindful thoughts: Notice when unconstructive or negative thoughts arise during the day and try to counter them by looking at all aspects of the situation.
Kind self-talk: When self-criticism begins to overtake your inner talk track, try a more understanding approach and talk to yourself as you would a friend in need.
Supportive action: When you feel overwhelmed or stressed, boost your self-compassion by doing something kind for yourself, such as taking a walk, spending time in nature, reading or taking a warm bath.
Self-care practices are like deposits in the bank – they are reserve resources you can build and drawn upon when needed. And it’s been said that what you practice grows stronger in your life, even in challenging times.
I have a deeper understanding of that last point because over the last few months, our family has been caring for a loved one 24/7. What has been interesting for me as I witness myself as a caregiver, is how vital and sustaining mindful self-compassion practices have been – from using the practice R.A.I.N. that I’ve shared in the past to practicing Metta meditation while providing care for my loved one.
But how do caregivers, and those who are experiencing other types of transitions, care for themselves?
There is a mindful self-compassion practice that I’ve found very helpful – it’s the practice of asking “What do I need in this moment?” This question can help us connect with our own needs and care for ourselves in a compassionate way.
When we ask the question, “What do I need in this moment?” we’re not judging or criticizing ourselves, rather, we’re trying to understand what we’re feeling and what will truly soothe us. The answers will vary depending on the personal situation but here are some examples: taking a break, talking to someone, setting boundaries, communicating needs, being patient with yourself, giving yourself time to heal, resting, moving your body, spending time outside, or doing something you find enjoyable.
While the answer may vary, it’s important to ask the question and be willing to listen and take action on the answers. When I came home from my caregiving shift the other day, I did what I usually do – prepared for the next shift. That meant doing all the things needed to keep my household and business running smoothly while I’m away providing care.
Midway through the afternoon, I asked myself, “What do you need in this moment?” The answer – “To sit in the warm sun.”
And that’s what I did. And promptly fell asleep before moving to the shade and contemplating what I needed in the near term. This led me to making some adjustments that allowed me to focus on the essentials. I cleared my professional calendar as much as possible and made some changes to my physical wellness routine.
While I’m usually resolute on what I eat and how I move my body, it was clear I needed to adjust my expectations from my disciplined routine to doing the best I can during this time. This means replacing my demanding CrossFit routine with a substitute that I call CrossFit at Home and adjusting the intensity of my workouts to my energy levels each time. I’m also eating as healthy as I can without adding additional stress to my daily routines.
Basically, I gave myself permission to not increase my fitness levels while under this level of stress. I’ll do my best each day to not lose ground so I can jump back in when the time is right. I also plan to give myself some retreat time when this situation resolves, which gives me something to look forward to.
Now to your takeaway. Here are the steps for you to create your own mindful self-compassion practice around the question, “What do I need in this moment?”
Find a quiet place where you’ll be undisturbed for about 15 minutes.
Sit comfortably with your eyes closed and take a few deep breaths to relax.
When you feel ready, bring your attention to your thoughts and emotions.
Try and name how you’re feeling. Perhaps it’s overwhelmed, sad, angry, uncertain or depleted.
With that feeling in mind, as yourself, “What do I need in this moment?”
Make a mental note as things come up for you. Perhaps you need to take a break, treat yourself with more kindness, or let go of an outdated expectation.
When an answer resonates with you, spend a few minutes determining what you’ll do and how.
Take a few deep breaths, open your eyes, and gift yourself what you need most in this moment.
I hope this article helped you see how powerful self-compassion can be and how it can help you cope with the challenges of midlife as you learn to accept yourself as you are, where you are, and treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would treat others.
With mindful self-compassion practices in your wellness toolkit, you’ll navigate the midlife territory ahead with grace and relax into this incredible journey.
Journal Reflections: How can you take better care of yourself in a compassionate way? What comes up for you when you ask, “What do I need in this moment?” How might you utilize that question as an ongoing self-compassion practice?
Notes:
You can download The Athena Principles overview @ athenawellness.com/actionplan to help you chart your unique path.
If you prefer, you can listen to this article here: Episode 216