The Path of Social Re-emergence
A few weeks ago, a friend reached out coordinate dinner at a new restaurant. My immediate reaction when I read the text was No! My response was so visceral that it gave me pause. This is a group of good friends whose company I’ve missed. What was going on?
The next day, I accepted the invitation and the five of us did have dinner last week. It was a perfect night to dine al fresco. As we were getting settled at the table, one of my friends casually asked, “What’s new?”
It took me longer than usual to gather my thoughts to that simple question. After a long pause I said, “Everything… And nothing.”
She laughed and said, “I know exactly what you mean.”
It’s that kind of bewilderment that my friends, clients and colleagues have been describing – this sense that our social muscles have atrophied after a few years of being asocial. For better or worse, we’ve each experienced a transformation. We’re not the same as we were in March 2020. Of course, that would have been true without the experience of a global pandemic. But I’m sensing a much deeper shift than our usual growth over a two year period of time.
The pandemic may have been a global event, but there are nearly eight billion people on this planet, all of whom experienced these last two years in unique ways. But each of us was altered in some way to varying degrees.
And there’s little guidance in how to introduce our new selves in this new world, which can sometimes feel surreal and disorienting. It’s no wonder we may feel a little awkward and out of sync when in social situations. We’re out of practice and may notice our verbal recall is a little slower as we return to social activities.
The word re-socialization means to psychologically retrain a person so that he or she adapts to a new environment and conforms again to social norms and values. The term has been used to describe re-entry for those who have been out of “normal society” for a period of time, such as spending time in prison, on active military duty, or other situations where people are isolated from the broader population.
While our experiences may not have been as extreme, our inner pieces have shifted. And they’ve done so without the constant social mirror to reflect these changes back to us. So it’s been hard to determine exactly what has happened to us and where we are in the social scheme of things. It’s hard to see just how we’ve grown. We just know we feel differently.
Thinking back to the visceral response I experienced when I received the dinner invitation from my friend, I can see it has something to do with the positive experience I’ve had with solitude – the gift of spending nurturing time alone. I think I’m holding onto this time because I can feel it coming to an end. And I’m trying to reconcile how to balance time with myself, my inner circle and beyond to my social and professional networks and my community.
Having dinner with friends was a good first step and we’ve even made plans to do it again this month. But I’ve turned down other invitations to things I used to love to do, like going to concerts and hopping on an airplane at a moment’s notice. They aren’t the things I want to do anymore. It’s surprising – even to me.
If you’re feeling a little hesitant to socially re-engage after this long hiatus, here are some things to consider:
Take It Slowly: This will allow you to be selective when evaluating the invitations you receive and patient with yourself as you re-establish your social routines.
Practice In Safe Spaces: We’ve been hiding behind masks for two years, anonymously going about our business. Try connecting with others as you go about your day. Be mindful to make eye contact, share a laugh or ask a question to start a conversation.
Gradually Expand Your Social Exposure: Meet up with a good friend to do an activity you love, reconnect with someone outside your immediate circle, or make bigger plans for some point in the future as something to look forward to.
Honor Your Feelings and Adjust Accordingly: Acknowledge how you’re feeling, which may change frequently. Exercise the degree of caution that feels right for you as you move from coping structures to ones that support living your life. Be mindful when reallocating your time and energy as social and professional circles open.
Give Yourself What You Need: Allow for boundaries, time, encouragement, support and selective points of re-entry that you enjoy. Be mindful not to return to your pre-pandemic schedule if that no longer serves you. Honor your level of inclination to engage, move gradually and naturally, but challenge your edge and push yourself a bit if you feel that you’re in a rut.
Above all, be kind to yourself. Like any other path we walk in life, the terrain can be variable and complex. We have to gradually adjust our threat detectors that have been operating on high alert and relearn to be together again while factoring in our time and energy.
Give yourself permission to create a new way for yourself. A different way that works for you in your life today and honors your growth. Leverage all the positives you’ve experienced, such as the increased capacity of self-reliance and self-connection, along with new interests or activities you’ve discovered, such as new wellness protocols or time in nature.
Whether it was conscious or not, we have collectively reflected – on ourselves, our relationships, our work, our routines and our lives. We’ve learned how to live with uncertainty, how to process difficult emotions, and how to feel safe. We’ve pondered how to spend our precious time and with whom.
We are now being invited to engage with the world in a different way one step at a time. It’s about putting it all back together again in a way that fits you. Keep taking good care, opt out as you feel, and stay flexible and engaged.
We’re on a path of re-emergence, finding our way back to ourselves and each other again. And now it’s time to metaphorically unmask and show who we’ve become by sharing our new story with the world.
Journal Reflections: How has social re-engagement felt for you? Have you noticed a change in how you feel when planning social activities? How can you best support yourself during this time?