What I've Learned from My 100-Year-Old Father
My father was born in 1922. Five days ago, he turned 100-years-old.
When my mother passed a few years back, he decided it was time to sell his home and move into an (un)assisted living facility. Aside from some industrial deafness and impaired sight from macular degeneration, he is remarkably spry in both mind and body and strong in spirit. He can easily pass for someone 20 years his junior.
When the pandemic hit, he was locked down in his studio apartment for the better part of 15 months. We connected by video calls and behind the glass visits, him standing inside the facility hallway, me standing on a walkway outside. Homemade food was dropped off for each 2020 holiday that we missed celebrating together, including his 99th birthday.
In those first few scary months, we got the news that he tested positive for the coronavirus, which was raging through assisted living facilities in the NY/NJ area. He was further quarantined in the facility’s hospital wing even though he was completely asymptomatic.
Remarkably, he remained asymptomatic for the duration of his mandated quarantine, walking back to his apartment while the residents lined the hall and cheered his return. So many others were not so lucky.
How is it possible for a then 98-year-old man to have caught the virus with no ill effects? And how does a now 100-year-old man keep himself looking so young? We can rule out genes. His father died when he was in his 50s and his mother died when she was in her 40s. His two older siblings died in their 80s.
Since I’m not a medical doctor, I can’t even venture a guess as to why he was not physically impacted. But as his daughter, here is what I’ve observed that I believe has added to his overall longevity and ongoing vitality:
Moderation: Perhaps it was due to growing up during the depression years, but I cannot recall ever seeing my dad overindulging. He’s a three square meals a day kinda guy favoring whole, natural foods and portion sizes from last century – no supersize or processed/fast food for him. During his working years, he allowed himself one shot of scotch with water over ice while watching the 10 p.m. news. He lost his taste for most alcohol when he reached his 90s. His vice these days is chocolate – one or two squares per night.
Disciplined activity: Pre-pandemic, my father walked down to his meals three times a day, to his afternoon activities and welcomed visits from his kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. He’s a little more sedentary these days, but is still an early riser and is showered, shaved, his full head of hair combed and dressed before breakfast. A World War II navy man, his room is always tidy and his bed made.
Ease: My father is a quiet man and allows things to evolve naturally, whether it’s the easy listening music he enjoys or the grace with which he moved his body – on the gym mat as a state champion gymnast, gliding across the floor when he danced with my mom, doing a backflip off a diving board, throwing a bowling ball or spontaneously climbing a rock climbing wall when he was on vacation well into his 80s just to show he still had it. It was with that same ease that he settled into his new life when he moved to the retirement home.
Learning and Engaging: Dad keeps busy. My sister was able to teach him to video chat while in quarantine so he can keep up with family activities. He reads as much as his aging eyes allow. He also recently discovered YouTube and is now a subscriber. He’s able to search and watch his favorite big bands from the 1940s, remembering every drummer, guitar player, singer and band leader. He can recall the places, like the Savoy Ballroom and the Paramount theater in New York City, where he saw them all. And pre-pandemic, he gave monthly talks to the other residents, playing his mix CDs on a boombox and sharing some of the history.
Reflection and Connection: He’s had time to pause in the four plus years since my mom passed, reliving the memories and reflecting back on his life. He’s processed regret and felt gratitude, which has led to an increased capacity to express love and appreciation for his kids, extended family and his new friends.
He has witnessed a century of world events, inventions and social change. He’s lived through The Great Depression and World War II. Witnessed globalization, population explosion, social changes, space exploration. Inventions in his lifetime include talking movies, household refrigeration, washing machines, air travel, nuclear power, microwave ovens, computers, the internet, cellular technology to name a few.
He has seen every aspect of life change repeatedly. He has lived through lean times and easier ones. He has learned to roll with the seasonality of life.
The week before his birthday, I sat down and asked him a series of questions on how’s he’s kept so well. What’s the secret to his longevity? He didn’t have an answer. He thought when he retired at 65 that he’d have five maybe ten years to enjoy his leisure time. That was 35 years ago.
I believe that his lifelong habits and mindset put him in the best position to keep his immune system strong, to keep himself healthy and to age with beautiful grace. He’s still young at heart. What an example to set for his kids, grandkids and great-grandkids.
And I’ll never forget how thrilled we all were as the family gathered on Sunday to enjoy dinner, raise a glass, and celebrate a man we are honored to call our dad.
Journal Reflections: How are your daily habit contributing to your long-term well-being? What can you do more of? Less of?
Note: This blog post was updated from the June 1, 2020 blog post entitled Lessons Learned from My 98-year-old Father’s COVID-19 Recovery.