Embracing the Next Stage of Life
In a recent podcast episode, I interviewed Tedi Brunetti who introduced herself by saying, “I sing, I write, I play the drums. I have an album out. I’m doing music videos.” And then the 69-year-old added, “I’m a grandma, proud of it. I’m just moving on with this phase of my life in retirement.”
And so began an hour long conversation about living life in stages, aligned with what matters most. For Tedi, it was a journey from musician to mother to medical technician and then back to musician. She’s proud to give each stage of her life, whatever was important at the time, 200% of effort, living with no regrets. This is a woman who does not have a bucket list because anything she wants to do, she does.
It’s an inspiring way to live. And it got me thinking about how we typically transition between life phases. Why is it that we don’t always embrace what might be revealed when the dark red theater curtains are opened and we find ourselves on a new stage of life?
It isn’t from the lack of experience of working through change. Those in the corporate world are used to working through unending business shifts that are required to remain competitive. And we’ve all had to learn to live with a highly transmissible virus these past few years. These are examples of changes that are based on external events requiring behavior modification.
Transition goes deeper. It’s an inner process of becoming that requires adaptation of the self that spans the mind, body and spirit. It prompts us to ask: “Who am I as I embody this external change?”
The transition process is commonly divided into three stages: an ending, a transitional phase and, ultimately, a new beginning. Here is a brief overview of each stage, including its characteristics, strategy and useful questions to explore while in that phase.
1. Ending – This stage begins when there is a change and something is lost as a result. We are being asked to give up our old identity while not yet knowing who it is that we’ll become.
Characteristics: Grief, confusion, frustration. This can be mixed with happiness when the change is our choice or a positive event, such as a marriage, promotion or the birth of a child.
Strategy: Allow yourself the time to acknowledge and process the emotions you feel when a situation ends; practice balancing ways of letting go what no longer serves while honoring what has brought you to this moment; and accept that you may feel struggle or confusion to meet the new situation.
Questions to consider: How can I honor the identity I’m releasing along with who or what has supported me? Where am I holding onto what no longer serves and how can I let it go? Where have I experienced this before and how can I apply the lessons learned?
2. Transition – This stage can be characterized as liminal space, where we have let go of the familiar but have yet to establish a new foothold.
Characteristics: Uncertainty, anxiety, overwhelm. This is a messy stage where there may be expectations that we instantly perform in our new role, as spouse, boss or parent, for example, but our identity, structure, emotions, ways of operating and habits have not yet caught up. If this is a transition you’ve invited, this could also be a time of excitement, creativity and innovation.
Strategy: Patience. This is a profound time of exploration but can also be rushed with a feeling of, “Are we there yet?!” Give yourself the time to build a solid foundation, focusing less on short-term wins and more on long-term gains.
Questions to consider: How can I give myself the time I need to learn and move through this phase at the right pace? How can I give myself permission to not know? How can I support myself to ensure I have the resilience and stamina I need?
3. Beginning – This is the stage where you have moved out of liminal space, fully embraced your new situation and created a new life pattern and routines to support it.
Characteristics: Renewal, energy, momentum. You may feel like you’ve regained your sea legs and have fully embodied your new identity.
Strategy: Enjoy this time of life flow and new beginnings. Learn all you can. Prepare for the next time the process will repeat.
Questions to consider: How did this process deepen my authenticity? What learnings and skills do I have now as a result of this transition? How can I prepare for the next time?
Transitions are an inherent part of life. We witness them in the natural world all the time – the sun rises and sets, the ocean tides go in and out, trees bud in spring and shed in autumn. Natural change is mostly gradual, sometimes sudden, but always without resistance to what is.
Just yesterday, I was listening to a speaker who was recounting an experience of being on a crowded ferry and witnessing a flock of geese take flight. There was an audible sound of awe from the passengers as the birds took off in unison. And the speaker held the question – “Why does this experience impact our collective soul?”
His conclusion was that it taps into our evolutionary sensibility, that we recognize the birds’ understanding of the seasonality of life. It was September in the north and time for the flock to begin its journey south. Summer had ended and the birds were in the transitionary space of getting to a new place so they could start their next season. We can learn from this kind of natural ease.
Yes, change is inevitable. How you transition to the next stage of life is up to you. Give yourself adequate time, feel your feelings, double-down on self-care, and find support. If you do, the next time you find yourself peering out behind the curtain on a new horizon, readying yourself to take the stage, you’ll do so feeling renewed and strong, transformed by the journey and ready for a new beginning.
Journal Reflections: How do you typically respond to major life transitions? Does that response shift if the change is planned or unexpected? How might you better prepare yourself for the next stage of your life?