The Gift of Self-Care

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day in North America, the UK, France and Australia.  There’s a joy in expressing affection for our significant other with some sort of token or celebration, or both.  It’s also a day that makes me smile because my parents were married on February 14 in 1953 and for years, my mom made my dad a heart-shaped cake and decorated it with the number of years they were married.  It would have been their 68th wedding anniversary this year.

Just like my mom and dad did for decades, we easily acknowledge the importance of spending quality time to nurture our relationships.  But kind words and sweet actions can extend beyond our one and only.  As we move through the northern hemisphere winter (or southern hemisphere summer), it can be the perfect time to gift ourselves with the same love and thoughtfulness in the form of self-care.

Good self-care is having respect for our own well-being and happiness.  It starts with recognizing where we can judge or be critical of ourselves, especially when negative thoughts or feelings arise, and choosing kindness.  Over time, we can learn to pause in times of emotional reactivity and take a deep breath.  With practice, we find we can choose more compassionate behavior.  This can lead to making healthier choices for ourselves in mind, body and spirit.

One of the ways to ensure we continuously find ways to recharge our batteries is to create a workable, flexible self-care plan.  I keep it simple, dividing a blank journal page into three sections:  Why, What, and When.

Let’s start with the overall purpose of your plan – what are you aiming for?  Relief from stress?  Maybe a deeper sense of self?  It could be something fun like wanting to reconnect with the things that brought you joy as a kid.

Your Why is the emotion related to the outcome – that is, how you want to feel as a result of your effort.  For example, if you’re looking for relief from stress, your Why can be to feel peaceful or calm or rested.  If you want a deeper sense of self, your Why might be to feel connected or loved or rejuvenated.  If you want to recapture a little childhood magic, maybe your Why is to feel more energetic or playful.  Or you could be looking to feel an overall sense of happiness or joy.  If the word feels good to you, that’s a great sign!

Once you’ve connected with your Why – move onto the What and select an activity that you feel will help you refuel.  You can choose to do something, to add an activity to your day.  Or, you can also choose to stop doing something.  This is especially helpful for those who are time crunched and want to improve their wellness but find themselves overstretched at the moment.  For example, if you want to improve your sleep, you might cut out the afternoon cup of coffee or the glass of wine after dinner, both of which can impact sleep.

Whatever you choose, keep it simple and lighthearted.  What can you do for yourself that you would gladly do for another?

Here are a few ideas to give yourself the gift of presence and, in turn, some self-love:

If you have capacity to add activities

• Enjoy a self-care date at home, a no-tech day where you can enjoy an essential oil bath, do some visioning, read, nap, do a jigsaw puzzle or journal

• Prepare a healthy meal and enjoy it picnic style, indoors or out

• Enjoy some natural inspiration by watching the sun rise, stargazing or beachcombing

• Plan a vacation or weekend getaway for later this year

• Create a routine to deepen your sleep

• Learn a healthy skill

• Create something

• Volunteer for a cause that’s meaningful to you

• Move your body in a fun activity or a new way

• Perform random acts of kindness

• Breathe new life into an old hobby

• Take a long walk or hike

• Take a road trip to nowhere, complete with favorite snacks and tunes

If you’re feeling overscheduled

• Unplug to invite a little space throughout your day (silence phone, turn off notifications)

• Try a gratitude micro-meditation briefly focusing on something you’re grateful for

• Set your watch to prompt a few deep breathes during the day or use that reminder to ground yourself in some sensory details (sound, sight, smell, taste, texture) to bring you back to the present moment

• Take a brief stretch break

• Start or end the day by reading a brief passage from an inspirational book

• Mindfully brew and enjoy a cup of tea or coffee

• Clear a small corner in your home and create an intention space

• Create atmosphere using candles, aromatherapy, natural objects or whatever adds beauty to your life

• Compliment yourself – go ahead and give yourself a wink in the mirror as you walk by

• Seek out a good belly laugh

• Sing to your favorite songs in the car as loud as you can

• Buy yourself flowers

Now that you have your Why and your What – let’s move onto When.  How can you create a simple plan that encourages you to show up consistently, feel the benefits fairly quickly and come to regard this activity as a healthy treat you enjoy?  How can you make this a plan to restore yourself?  How can you do a little something each day to boost your vibe and keep you engaged?

Here's my recommendation:  Keep it as simple as possible.

The word “schedule” brings some people great comfort, while others run from it.  Plan your What to align with where you fall on that spectrum.  If you love routine, schedule a specific amount of time on specific days.  For example, lunchtime walks on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and a weekend hike with the kids.

If you’re more free-spirited, keep a running list of activities that make you feel like your Why and times when you’re most likely to enjoy them.  For example, journaling for half an hour on weekend mornings.  Or, you may choose to set random reminders to pause throughout the day.

Whatever technique you use, check in with yourself from time to time.  Notice how you’re feeling and adjust as needed to keep your tank full.

The very act of slowing down, even for a short amount of time, can have great benefit.  By committing to a consistent self-care program, your partner, family and friends will feel the effects as your stress levels decrease and well-being increases.  The better we are at taking care of ourselves, the more energy we have to share with others.

Journal Reflections:  What’s your Why – how do you want your self-care practices to make you feel?  What’s your What – what would replenish your spirit?  What’s your When – how will you choose to incorporate this nourishing activity into the days and weeks ahead?