The Journey Toward Authenticity
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you are.” That quote is attributed to Joseph Campbell. It came to mind as I was preparing a recent post for a podcast on the link between authentic living and well-being (Episode #93).
It was a profound conversation with Joe Rich and Victor Briere, A.D., where we covered everything from how we become separated from our authentic selves, how this separation impacts our health, and the importance of having support while doing our inner work.
What I learned during that discussion is that it’s not about arriving at the final destination of authentic living. Rather, it’s about the journey that brings us to deeper levels of understanding of ourselves. As Victor says in the episode, “Authentic living results in true well-being when we understand how we continuously create our health profile based on our mindset, life choices and lifestyle.”
But such a journey on the road less traveled is not for faint-hearted. The reason why we suppress our authentic desires in the first place is to avoid rejection. We amend our behavior when we’re young so we fit in with family and societal expectations.
Most of us unconsciously continue that pattern well into adulthood and create personalities and lives built on these concessions. When we feel the pain of the detachment from our authentic selves, we often choose to numb it in dozens of ways, including alcohol, substances, media, food, work and busyness. These coping mechanisms can also express themselves in a host of physical and mental ailments.
But what does it really mean to be our authentic self?
Authenticity is defined as being genuine or real. It’s the act of expressing one’s true self. Research has shown that those who live this way enjoy increased well-being, have the ability to better navigate conflict, and experience more positive social relationships.
It's always a balancing act, isn’t it? We flex our behavior to meet social expectations all the time. We’re taught that good social etiquette doesn’t welcome uninhibited behavior. And as business and community leaders, we’re rewarded for being effective, not authentic.
But mostly, we hinge on the fear that if we truly are our authentic selves, we may no longer fit in with the life we’ve built. Which brings up a whole realm of new questions – starting with “Why?”
The inner work begins when we decide to get to the root cause of “Why.” Why did we detach from our authentic selves to begin with and why have we accepted it’s okay to live with the resulting trauma? Then we can explore what it would mean to live more aligned with our true desires.
Once we’ve done some inner exploration, we can begin to take steps toward living in alignment with our authenticity in our outer world. This is where we can encounter judgment, criticism and even isolation from those who feel threatened by our actions, as it can sometimes mirror back their own inaction. But it’s also where we begin to experience a sense of empowerment as we consciously create and embody our life – life on our own terms.
The good news is you don’t need to take big leaps. In fact, I’d encourage practicing in low impact situations, such as with the person sitting next to you on public transportation, those you encounter when you’re running errands or at a coffee shop. How can you show up differently in your daily life?
As you navigate this territory, here are some questions to consider and explore:
How can my actions, words and behaviors be more congruent with my feelings and values?
How do I feel when I don’t act in accordance with my deepest needs, values and dreams?
Are there boundaries I need to establish or reinforce?
What old stories or beliefs do I need to let go?
Are there life changes I need to consider in areas where there’s a divergence from my core identity?
How can I be more self-compassionate as I explore my inner landscape?
Who can be my trusted confidant and sounding board as I go deeper into this process?
How can I build on my social support system to include people, groups and communities that share my core values and encourage my dreams?
You won’t immediately know all the answers. But you will build a trusting relationship with your intuition over time as you learn to confidently express who you are and what you stand for. All you need is a willingness to try new things, compassionately course correct and allow yourself to be surprised by the wonder of it all.
You’ll know you’re aligning with your authentic self when you feel energized, purposeful and honest when you express yourself, regardless of social response. It’s a process we can embrace each day – to evolve our inner truth and embody it in our outer world.
Journal Reflections: What’s the one thing you can do today to feel more authentic in your outer world? How can you be more self-compassionate as you align how you feel with what you say and do? Who can you rely on for support as you steer through this territory?