Last month I had the opportunity to hear Dr. Christopher Germer speak on the topic of Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC). Dr. Germer, along with his colleague, Dr. Kristin Neff, are both psychologists and pioneers in the field of self-compassion, having authored several books on the topic. They also co-founded the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion (centerformsc.org) that offers resources and training.

Self-compassion can be defined most simply as treating yourself as you would a friend in need. Mindfulness is the awareness of our moment-to-moment experience and is needed to have the presence of mind to respond to ourselves with self-compassion, especially in times of discomfort.

Dr. Germer became interested in the topic because of his anxiety of public speaking, which would not lessen no matter what he tried. A meditation teacher suggested he try a loving-kindness meditation by repeating, “May I be safe, may I be happy, may I be healthy, may I live with ease.” It was the first time he spoke to himself in such a tender manner and noticed results almost immediately.

The real test came weeks later when he walked onto a conference stage in front of his Harvard peers, repeating the loving-kindness mantra to himself as he took his place in front of the podium. Not only did self-compassion take the place of his fear as he calmly delivered his presentation, but he also noticed that the kindness for himself left space for the audience to be kind to him as well. He has since spoken to thousands of people on the topic of MSC.

As he reflected on his experience, Dr. Germer learned something about his fear of public speaking. It wasn’t based on anxiety, it actually stemmed from shame – the shame of being too afraid and unable to speak to an audience on mindfulness, which was his area of expertise.

The basic thread that runs through an MSC practice is the question: “What do I need?” Upon quiet reflection, the answer may be a soothing touch, such as a hand on the heart, a repeated metta mantra, like the one Dr. Germer used, or gentle movement to soothe uneasiness. When practiced routinely, we find that when we take care of ourselves, we are more available to others without risking burnout. And in our intimate relationships, we find that when we feel more connected to ourselves, we have a deeper capacity to feel closer to those we love.

Here’s how you can create a simple MSC practice:

Ask yourself what you truly need in this moment, such as kindness or love
Create a loving-kindness phrase that feels comfortable for you, such as “May I be kind to myself” or “May I feel love”
Select a specific time during the day to practice for a short period, perhaps five minutes upon waking or while driving to work
Record your observations over time
Expand the practice when ready, explore the topic of MSC, and/or find a community locally or online.

May you benefit from the practice of Mindful Self-Compassion!

Sources: self-compassion.org (Dr. Neff); centerformsc.org; MSC workbook (Amazon link)

Journal Reflections: What do you need right now? What would make you feel safe, comforted or protected? What simple gesture can give you that feeling in this moment?

An Introduction to Mindful Self-Compassion