Waiting is Part of the Life Transition Process

I recently had a curious experience.  I attended an in-person weekend workshop led by two well-known writers.  It had been years since I had been at this particular retreat center.

I used to go there once a year and it was such a break from my corporate existence.  It felt like it was the one place where I could breathe deeply and just – be – me.  In those days, getting back into my business suit to go to work the following Monday was never a pleasant experience.

But this time when I stepped onto campus, I immediately noticed something.  There was no big exhale, no breath of relief.  It was familiar and peaceful.  My life had changed so much since the last time I was there, that it was just… Friday.

And I didn't experience the sense of dread when I was leaving either.  In fact, I jumped right back into my jeans and into my work on Monday, feeling comfortable, energized and ready to go.

I share this experience with you because for years, I didn't feel this way.  More often than not, I felt like nothing was happening, like I was stuck or restricted or frustrated by my lack of progress.  I wanted more than anything to change my life, but I had no idea how to get traction in the right direction.  It seemed like an endless cycle of waiting.  What I didn't know is that it's all part of the process.

We experience many personal and professional transitions over a lifetime:  life stages, relationships, house moves, careers and ways of being.  It's human nature to want to be on the other side of the change that we're experiencing as quickly as possible.

But I've found that there's a lot happening, even when things feel static.  I've learned that when I don't put any time pressure on the change, I get more out of the experience.  And sometimes, it happens without me even noticing.

There are a number of benefits to mindfully step through change in this way.  Here are three to consider:

1. Time to inquire:  You can utilize the time before the change happens to clarify what you truly desire.

2. Time to prepare:  You can utilize that clarity to take small steps so you're ready when the timing is right.

3. Time to enjoy the now:  You can harness the momentum from taking small steps to be present and enjoy your current life and all of its blessings.

You can go quite deep on that last point.  One of my favorite ways of working through this time of waiting is to focus on ordinary daily tasks.  There's a Zen phrase that you may be familiar with, “Chop wood, carry water.”

It's a reminder that when we give routine tasks our full attention, there’s the opportunity to have a profound life experience.  We learn that our daily responsibilities are just as important as our grand visions.

By paying attention and doing our best with the smallest tasks, we hone our ability to create a meaningful life.  We’re connecting with mindfulness and simplicity, the natural world, and all of the elements as we go about our days.

When we focus on the present moment and the task at hand, it also helps to keep our ego at bay, which is helpful in times of transition when we can get tripped up by our past or we're too future-focused.  Transition brings change and with change comes the loss of a life that we once lived.  Mindful presence keeps us grateful for the simple things that are easy to overlook when our life is churning.

Being present can remind us that through transition, we're learning and growing instead of being comfortably stagnant.  Presence helps us feel more at ease in times of transition, perhaps even finding peace and happiness as we transform.  When we're engaging in our lives in this way, we stay grounded and focused on what's in our control.  We connect with our senses.  We breathe deeply.

Here are some questions to explore how to use wait time effectively without interfering with the natural flow of life:

• Look back.  What are you grateful for?  What have you learned about your experience so far?  What's applicable to moving forward?  What were some of your favorite and least favorite experiences in life?  If you keep a journal of some sort, this is a great time to flip through old volumes to spark your memory.

• Look forward.  What kind of life do you want?  What elements does this dream life include?  A certain relationship?  Travel?  Working for yourself?  Making a particular contribution?  What's your risk tolerance to make big changes?

• Create a plan.  What skills and resources do you need to move forward?  What's your timeline?  How can you begin to include small aspects of your dream life into your life today?

• Make connections.  How can you create a network of support?  Who has had similar experiences that may be open to helping you?  How might you be able to help others as you start out on your journey?

• Take good care.  How can you integrate consistent quality time for yourself?  What wellness practices will support you for the long term?  How can you begin to implement them now?

I can look back at my own transition from a corporate employee to an entrepreneur with some distance now. What's interesting is that I didn't recognize when the wait was over.  There were milestones along the way, such as my last day at work, holding my published book in my hands, giving my first wellness talk, and teaching my first class.  But I was so focused on those tasks that I barely noticed what I had dreamed of and worked toward all those years was here, that I was living the life that I designed.

With that in mind, you could be closer than maybe you think you are.  Here are five signs that your life is already aligning with your deepest desires:

1. Enhanced vitality.  You're mindful of your thoughts, feelings and actions, and make better daily choices that support your mind, body and spirit.

2. Rising optimism.  You have a deep appreciation for everything and everyone in your life today, resulting in feelings of gratitude and positivity.

3. Healthier relationships.  You feel loved, supported and connected and enjoy spending time with yourself and loved ones.

4. Growing confidence.  You trust the flow of life and feel you can capably handle what's ahead.

5. Increased abundance. You see an uptick in your work situation and finances resulting in a feeling of security and an array of opportunities.

It's a beautiful dance between taking action and allowing space for the unfolding, of having solid intentions but flexible plans that adjust to the flow of life.  These gradual twists and turns around the dance floor make changing your life for the better less daunting and more enjoyable.

This way of moving through time is less stressful and can have positive impact on your happiness and well-being.  And one day, to your surprise, you may realize, just like I did, that you're actually living the life that you envisioned for yourself long ago.

It's all part of the process, and I wish you ease in the waiting.

Journal Reflections: How does the word waiting make you feel? What are some of the things or events that are on your wait list? How can you use this time to prepare and engage with your life today?