Career Transition Grief and Identity Loss
A recurring theme in my work with students and clients these days is the impact of identity loss and resulting grief in times of life transition.
Identity loss is defined as a state of confusion or uncertainty about your sense of self. It can be caused by a variety of factors, including major life changes, such as retirement, job loss, divorce, or death of a loved one. It can be caused by trauma, such as abuse or war. Or mental health conditions, such as depression or anxiety, even by substance abuse, aging, and societal expectations.
You experience a sense of identity loss when going through a major life change because these transitions often involve a shift in roles, relationships or responsibilities. It's this shift that can lead to a sense of confusion, uncertainty and even fear about who you are and what you want.
Here are some signs of identity loss:
Confusion about your purpose in the world;
Disconnection from yourself, others, and the world around you;
Feelings of being lost, alone, anxious or depressed;
Having difficulty focusing or making decisions;
Changes in your interests, social patterns, or appearance;
A feeling of heaviness, like you're living in a fog;
Physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, and stomach ailments; and
Feeling like you don't know what you want out of life.
Identity loss is a natural reaction to change and it's a sign that you're growing and evolving. Career identity loss occurs as a result of leaving a long-term career, which can be a difficult and emotional process and the symptoms will vary depending on the circumstances.
If you didn't have control of the decision to separate, that is, if you were laid-off or terminated or downsized, you may be feeling lost, isolated, angry, disconnected, anxious, stressed, depressed, and maybe even engage in self-destructive behaviors.
If you made the decision to leave your career, either through retirement or the decision to change careers or start your own business, you may be feeling a lot of fear. Or you may be obsessively questioning whether you've done the right thing.
However the separation came about, there can be overall feelings of loss, confusion and uncertainty about who you are in your new reality. Things also get very real very fast, especially if there's been a lack of planning around things such as financial planning, health insurance, social support, and maintaining a healthy support network to assist you in finding your new job or launching your new project.
Our work is often a major part of our identity. It's how we define ourselves, how we make a living, and how we contribute to society. When we leave a longtime career, we're not only losing a job, but we're also losing a part of ourselves.
There are a number of factors that can contribute to career identity loss, including the nature of corporate work, which can be very demanding and all-consuming. It can take up a lot of time and energy, and it can be difficult to maintain a sense of self outside of work.
The corporate culture can also contribute to career identity loss. In many companies, there's a strong emphasis on conformity and fitting in. And this can make it difficult for people to be themselves and express their individuality once they separate.
If you're experiencing career identity loss, an important step that can get overlooked is allowing yourself to grieve the loss of your career. We've all experienced different levels of grief in our lives. And for me, the thought of grief didn't even enter my mind when I walked out the door of my employer for the last time. It was my choice. I was publishing a book and I had a plan. So I dove right into the busyness of my choosing.
I was very aware of the fear I felt in leaving a “sure thing,” but it took me a long time to realize that there was some sadness around leaving the camaraderie of my colleagues, the joy of work, the status of the role, the perks of the job, and the challenges of ongoing learning and reinvention to stay current.
A big part of why I didn't recognize it as grief is I left corporate just before the COVID outbreak. And so we were all thrown into a new reality that included a lot of grief, so I attributed how I felt to what was happening externally.
But I've come to learn that grief is a normal reaction when you leave a long-time career, because you're losing a part of yourself. And you may experience any or all of the stages of grief, including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And there can be a whole host of feelings ranging from sadness to fear to hopelessness.
It's important to acknowledge and process these feelings. There's no right or wrong way to grieve and it takes time to adjust. What matters is that you’re kind to yourself, feel what you're feeling, and ask for help if you're struggling.
The best way through this type of grief is finding new ways to define yourself beyond your career. There are many other things that make you who you are, such as your values, your relationships, and your interests. The usual advice is to take some time and think about what's important to you and what you're passionate about. That makes intellectual sense, but how do we really put it into practice and take action?
Here's a summarizing roadmap of actions to consider:
Acknowledge your feelings. It's important to allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up for you at this time. Don't try to bottle them up or pretend that you're not feeling anything.
Talk to someone you trust. Talking to a friend, family member, therapist, coach or other trusted person can help you process your feelings and make sense of what's happening. A support group can also help you feel less alone.
Do something that makes you feel good. Self-care is critical at this time, and you may need to push yourself to do it. But it's a worthy investment of your time and can include things like eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, moving your body, meditating, journaling, doing something you enjoy, reading, listening or playing music, spending time in nature and with loved ones.
Find new ways to connect with others. Leaving a long-term career can be isolating. Make an effort to stay connected with friends, family and other social groups. You can take up a new hobby, a new sport or an activity, which will help you learn new things, stay active, have fun, and express yourself. You can also volunteer, which is a great way to stay engaged and connected to others. Volunteering can also help you find new meaning and purpose in your life.
When you feel ready, set goals for the future. It can be helpful to start thinking about what you want your life to look like after this transition is completed. What are your aspirations? What would you like to achieve? Having something to look forward to can help you stay motivated.
Give yourself the gift of time and reflection. It takes time to grieve the loss of a long-term career. Write about your experiences. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal and adjust to your new reality.
Overall, identity loss in times of transition can be a difficult experience, but it's also an opportunity for a new beginning. Not only can you recover, but you can thrive in its wake. With time, support and self-care, you can rebuild your sense of self, reclaim your identity, and find a new sense of purpose and a new life path for yourself.
Journal Reflections: Which signs and symptoms of identity loss can you most relate to? How can you give yourself the space needed to grieve what you’ve left behind? How can you best position yourself to welcome what lies ahead?
Disclaimer: Kathy is a wellness coach and teacher, not a mental health practitioner. If any of the symptoms mentioned above feel very intense for you, please, seek the help of a qualified doctor or a therapist.