Right Timing
We’ve all heard the sentiments: timing is everything; right place, right time; if it’s meant to be...
There are times when you want something to happen so badly – and it doesn’t. Times when you’re poised to make a move, but in your gut, you know it’s not time. And then there are times when the very thing you’ve been dreaming of happens without effort, as if it fell out of the sky.
Why do certain things happen at certain times? The term right timing is defined as “the moment of coincidence, quirk of fate, or instance of destiny which reveals itself in one blessed instant that was previously deemed impossible by external forces.”
This is slightly different than divine timing, which is a little more spiritual. Divine timing is the belief that life’s events occur at the right moment and you can handle what comes your way. It’s more fate and faith-based in the belief that life’s events occur at the right moment and you can handle what comes your way. It implies that not everything is up to us and that things flow in their own time.
As with most things, I think the truth is somewhere in the middle.
It’s been my experience that whenever I try something new, there’s a shift that needs to occur in my inner world to be able to prepare for right timing. At first, there’s an emphasis on making things happen. This can take the form of expending a lot of effort, both mental and physical, to see results. This phase has a controlling quality that usually stems from fear and scarcity.
At some point, there’s a glimpse of ease. Even with all the busyness, there can be a spark of inspiration or an outcome that happens without effort. The more this happens, the more the possibility of shifting into more ease can feel feasible. The path forward seems to open. This shift has the quality of trust and abundance.
When we’re in this place, we’re in receiving mode – and that isn’t the most comfortable place for those of us who always made things happen by executing a plan. Receiving does not mean kicking back and waiting for something to show up. There are plenty of emotions and work involved, including doubt, failure and course corrections, but the effort is rooted in positive energy and non-attachment and with the expectation that everything is working out for the greatest good.
Let’s test this out with an example of where you’ve experienced right timing. Think of a situation that you were desperate to change but at first were unable to do so. Perhaps a job change or leaving a relationship. What were the things that were holding you back at first? What was the shift that led to the actual change? What led up to that shift? What happened in its wake?
When I’ve done this exercise, I can clearly see how all the relentless planning and scheming and worrying I did in the months leading up to the shift were an inordinate waste of energy. But it was my way of coming to terms with the fact that something needed to change, so the churn played an important role. But the question always remains – could I have gotten to the point of surrendering without all of the angst?
I don’t know the answer to that question because I handle things differently today than even a few years ago. But if I had to give myself some advice knowing what I know now, here’s what I would offer:
Pay attention to the tightening feeling in your chest and examine what you’re trying to control and why. Is it fear, worry or the outcome?
How might you work through the uncertainty and impatience? How can you get more comfortable in the discomfort? What can you do to burn off the excess energy?
How can you surrender? If it’s not time, could there be a reason? Could life be planning something bigger than you’re anticipating? Is there something you need to grow into? Can you remove anything that’s causing friction? Perhaps there’s old patterns or limiting beliefs that you’re still holding onto? Know that surrendering is about expressing appreciation no matter the outcome, even if there are set-backs or interim steps. Surrender is about playing the long game and having faith in a larger plan.
Once you can let go, do you feel a sense of peace or ease? If so, you’re on the right track. This doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges ahead. It does mean you’re learning that there’s a reason for what’s occurring and you have the resilience to work through it and learn from it.
Keep showing up. Work just as hard and bring the job to completion in a way that makes you proud and will help the remaining team once you leave. Know that when you are ready in mind, body and spirit, external factors will align. Until then, trust the process and be patient while you keep doing your best at the task at hand.
As I continued to work with the right timing concept, I became more adept at doing the preparatory work for whatever big change I wanted to make in my life. I called it woodshedding, which is a musical term for practicing. It’s focusing on putting in the reps and learning all I can so when the opportunity presents itself, I’ll be ready to offer a solution to an emerging problem.
The approach itself is an act of surrendering and it avoids the emotional churn of trying to push something through before its time. It’s a more zen approach that evolves over time, with knowledge, experience, intuition, along with the preparation, to recognize when the time is right and then decisively acting with confidence.
In the absence of the woodshedding approach, there are two common pitfalls I’ve seen:
Impatience: Wanting to make something happen now and taking an impulsive risk with an unfavorable risk/reward ratio.
Slacking: Losing momentum and not fully showing up until things change. This may feel like the righteous thing to do but it rarely leads to the place you truly want.
The next time you find yourself at crossroad, give woodshedding a try and commit more fully to your current circumstances while preparing for your envisioned future state. Putting in that extra effort will not only prepare you when it’s the right time, but it will funnel any negative energy into something worthwhile. In the end, there is no right or wrong path, no right or wrong timing – just the universal unfolding of your life.
Journal Reflections: Are there times when you feel you’re pushing too hard to make something happen? How might you be able to invite some ease? What would it be like to woodshed for a while?