Unlock Your Next Chapter, Pt. I - The Gift of Discontent

If I could sum up the biggest lesson I’ve learned since leaving my long-time corporate career behind, it’s this:  The skills that make you successful in one chapter of your life are rarely the ones you rely on as you create the next chapter of your life.

In my case, what helped me successfully scale the corporate ladder did not help me descend it.  And I’ve since created a whole new toolkit that I share with clients and students to help them unlock their next chapter and navigate the unfamiliar terrain ahead.

The beginning of this process is usually that ambiguous yet unshakeable sense we can get at times that something needs to change, kind of like a quiet whisper or a vague feeling of discontentment.

Perhaps you notice it after a minor mishap at work, such as a meeting that didn’t go quite as planned.  Maybe the level of enthusiasm you once had for your work has waned a bit.  Or, maybe you’re experiencing bouts of the Sunday Scaries – dreading what Monday morning will bring.

It can be confusing.  You finally have all you worked for – the team, the title, your colleagues.  Yet any sense of happiness seems to be situational, dependent on the wins of the day, rather than deep-seated fulfillment.

As the internal tug-of-war continues, you wonder, “Is it a phase or is there something wrong?”

Yet the whispers won’t stop.  There seems to be something beckoning you beyond your familiar boundaries.  But the something is shapeless and nameless, it’s more like a pull, but to where?

My advice? Don’t discount the feeling, engage with it.  These little nudges are pointing toward the next chapter, one that’s more fulfilling than your current one.

First let me put your mind at ease.  The reason why this feeling is nameless is because the common model we have for the second half of life is outdated.  My parents dutifully followed that model – they worked until retirement age and then enjoyed as much as they could before their health declined.  It’s the way their parents did it, those who lived long enough.

But today, we’re living longer and not many people want to retire to a life of leisure.  And as more people stay engaged as they get older, we see that they are blasting through the myth that life plateaus and then declines.  We are learning that people can contribute no matter their age.

So cast aside the old model and welcome a new one – where your current life chapter is merely a springboard for the next, one of unlimited possibility.

Before you can move in a new direction, you need to know where you are today.  So let’s start with discontentment and three ways it can show up in your life:

1. Life as a treadmill.  This occurs when you find yourself going through the motions.  You’re getting things done, no one else sees anything is wrong, and you’re confused because you worked so hard to get to where you are.  Even so, there’s an emptiness and a yearning underneath it all.

2. Impatience becomes paramount.  Think of it as a build-up of pressure comprised of unexpressed emotions.  Your life, which used to run like clockwork, now seems to be plagued with inconvenience and you overreact as a result.  In addition, undefined longing for a life that seems out of reach become more unbearable by the day with little relief.

3. Doubt that lingers.  You begin to negatively question all the good that comes your way.  The tokens of success that were once so important feel empty and the trade-off for achieving them feel imbalanced.  You have a sinking feeling that more of the same type of achievement and success will leave you feeling worse.

The good news is these feelings are giving you important messages and can be used to instill lasting change in your life.  Here’s a simple way we’ll be working with discontent.  Every time you feel any glimmer of apathy, frustration, dissatisfaction, doubt, envy, comparison, impatience, emptiness or like feelings – note it.

For example, in my Wall Street days, before smart phone note pads, I always had a notebook with me.  During my commute or at lunch, I’d note whatever riled me that day.  Something a colleague did, a conversation with my boss, waiting for coffee, traffic home, whatever was causing the discomfort would be captured.  I suggest you keep a running list as well.  You don’t need to do this for a long period of time, just enough time to spot some patterns and go deeper into the cause.

At the same time, and in order to not only focus on the negative, find where there are feelings of contentment.  And if you’re in a place where you’re unable to find any at the beginning, note things that would make you feel content.  Here are three examples:

1. Glimmers of peace.  During the stressful days you’re experiencing, what would bring you a moment of relief?  Can you enjoy music during your commute, note the passing seasons as you drive, or watch the sunset through your office window in the evenings?

2. Moments of awareness.  Throughout your days, how many tasks can you do with a sense of presence?  And how many acts of kindness can you note taking place all around you?  How many can you initiate?  Even if you’re low on energy, an exchange of smiles between strangers can do wonders to lift the spirits of both.

3. Sparks of inspiration.  What are the things or experiences that bring a little light into your days? Maybe it’s a walk at lunch, a few minutes reading a good book, or a treat from your favorite restaurant.

And yes, please keep a list of whatever glimmers are illuminating your days (or things you’d like to experience), no matter how small.

Why bother to note moments of discontent and contentment?  This is the information you’ll use to implement real change in your life.  What you’re noting is an inner conversation of your current likes and dislikes.  You’ll have a list to explore further.  In doing so, it will feel like you’re being guided to a new life of true fulfillment.

Discontentment is not a shortcoming – it’s a powerful catalyst for growth. Identifying and noting where and how it surfaces will allow you to better understand and work with it. These glimmers are the key to unlocking your next chapter.

Journal Reflections:  How is discontentment showing up in your life?  What glimmers of contentment are you noticing?  What messages are the discontent and contentment trying to convey?

Note:  If you prefer, you can listen to this article here: Episode 241

If you have any questions or comments about this series, please do reach out by email at hello@athenawellness.com. I’ll be sure to receive it.