Thriving with R.A.I.N. in Times of Transition
No matter the territory you’re crossing, be it a professional transition or something more internal, like the head-to-heart journey I help my clients and students navigate, there will be highs and low that bring challenges and difficult emotions.
Here’s a practice I learned from a workshop I attended years ago that relates to the feelings that can arise when you claim ownership over your actions. It’s called R.A.I.N. and it's a Buddhist practice used by meditation teachers. It was popularized by Dr. Tara Brach, who is the author of books like True Refuge and Radical Compassion. It's a simple process that uses the acronym R.A.I.N. for the four steps: Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture.
Whenever a difficult situation or emotion arises, try sitting quietly while going through these four steps:
Recognize what's happening. Focus your attention on what's happening inside you. Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations without judgement. What sensations are you feeling? What emotions? Can you name your experience?
Allow life to be just as it is. Acknowledge what's happening without judging, controlling or pushing it away. This does not mean that you have to like or agree with what’s happening. It simply means that you are willing to let it be there, without trying to change it.
Investigate with gentle attention and care. Explore the thoughts, emotions and physical sensations you're feeling more deeply. For example, if stress is overwhelming, where do you feel it in your body and what is it telling you? Is it in tense muscles? Is there anger behind the stress? Frustration? What thoughts are surfacing for you? Name what you're feeling in detail.
Nurture with self-compassion. Ask yourself what you need most in this moment. It could be acceptance, protection, a soothing touch, a deep breath or a walk. Realize the impermanence of the thoughts and emotions you're experiencing and rest in the knowing that these feelings will shift and this experience will not define or limit you.
As you can see, R.A.I.N. is a powerful practice that can help you to work with difficult emotions and experiences in a more compassionate and skillful way. It’s a practice that can be used in everyday life, but it can be especially helpful in times of stress or difficulty. For example, it can be used in times of anger when you feel frustrated, helpless, criticized or blamed. It’s also helpful when you’re not feeling good enough or feeling like you’re not in control.
Another emotion where R.A.I.N. can be helpful is sadness, times when you’ve lost a loved one or are feeling lonely, isolated or like you’ve failed in some way. R.A.I.N. can also help regulate anxiety, times when you’re feeling overwhelmed, unsure or stressed.
Let’s go deeper with the last example of feeling anxious and take the steps of R.A.I.N. one by one:
Recognize what's happening. First, recognize that you are feeling anxious. Notice the physical sensations in your body, such as your heart rate increasing or your muscles tensing up. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings, such as "I’m so overwhelmed" or "I can't do this."
Allow life to be just as it is. Once you have recognized your anxiety, accept it without judgment. This does not mean that you have to like feeling anxious. It simply means that you are willing to let it be there, without trying to change it.
Investigate with gentle attention and care. Next, investigate your anxiety with curiosity and compassion. What is your anxiety trying to tell you? What need is it trying to meet? Once you understand your anxiety better, you can start to respond to it in a more constructive way.
Nurture with self-compassion. Finally, remember that you are not your anxiety. You are the awareness that is aware of your anxiety. When you can step back from your anxiety and see it for what it is, you will be less likely to get caught up in it. Identify what you most need in this moment and give it to yourself with love.
Self-compassion is an important component of R.A.I.N. because it invites you to be kind and understanding to yourself when you’re going through a difficult time. As a practice, you learn how to cope in a healthy way and build resilience. When you are self-compassionate, you treat and support yourself as you would a beloved friend, taking good care of yourself physically and emotionally, lessening your negative emotion overwhelm.
There are numerous ways to practice self-compassion. Here are a few examples:
Express your feelings. Don’t suppress your emotions. You can work with R.A.I.N. as they surface as a way to process them and let them go.
Be a good friend to yourself. This includes aligning your self-talk with how you would talk and support a friend.
Cut yourself some slack. We all make mistakes. When you do, instead of criticizing yourself, learn from it and move on.
Enjoy yourself. Spend time each day doing something that feels good, including activities you love or people who give you a feel-good vibe.
Self-compassion is a skill that takes time and practice to develop. But the more you practice it, the easier it will become and the healthier you’ll feel. Along with R.A.I.N., here are three additional practices to help you cultivate self-compassion:
Mindful contemplation: A practice that involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. This can help you to become more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. When you are more aware of your experience, you become curious about the workings of the mind and are less likely to judge yourself or get caught up in negative thoughts.
Supportive touch: Simply placing your hand over your heart or on your cheek soothes your nervous system and helps you feel calm and safe. Simply take a few breaths while you feel the warmth and sensation of your hand. You can also offer yourself a few silent supportive words or phrases.
Compassionate writing: Bring to mind a real or imagined kind, compassionate friend who loves and accepts you unconditionally. Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of this friend. You could address a specific challenging situation or you can focus on kind caring wishes for overall health and happiness.
The reason why these practices are so effective is they allow us to pause when we're gripping too tightly on a particular outcome or relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms. In choosing to pause with a practice like R.A.I.N., we create space to make a better choice for ourselves. Most importantly, it reconnects us with our heart and allows our inner wisdom to guide us back onto our path with compassion.
I’ll leave you with a quote from author and teacher Tara Brach, who is a proponent of the R.A.I.N. practice. “When you’ve completed the active steps of R.A.I.N., it’s important to just notice your own presence and rest in that wakeful, tender space of awareness. The fruit of R.A.I.N. is realizing that you are no longer imprisoned in the trance of unworthiness, or in any limiting sense of self. Give yourself the gift of becoming familiar with the truth and natural freedom of your being; it is mysterious and precious!”
Journal Reflections: How have you handled difficult emotions in the past? How might R.A.I.N. be helpful as difficult emotions arise in the future? How might self-compassion help you during difficult times?